Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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