He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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