I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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