bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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