Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
