Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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