and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize