you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
