I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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