It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize