nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
