it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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