Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
