Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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