I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
