O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
