In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
