If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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