I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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