you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
