I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
