O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
