It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
