I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize