I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
