i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
