I'm gonna have a badass scar
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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