the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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