She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
