god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
