i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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