he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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