I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
