Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sarcasm needs its own font
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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