PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
