Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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