tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
