Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize