She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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