UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
