Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
