If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
