I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
