someone threw a dead crab at me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
two words: eviction party
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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