I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
