I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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