...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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