like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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