To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
