I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
