Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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