Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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