worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
