I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
