Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
