I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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