Tell her she can't have a vagina
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
