In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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