Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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