Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
