I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
