She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
