What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
