Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
