we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just high enough for therapy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize