Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
