Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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