There is no way he is gay with that hair.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
