I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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