It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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