Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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