when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
