just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
