singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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