it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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