my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
