I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
