I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
