I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
