How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
