People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
