i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize