I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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