Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
